In this podcast episode, I’m getting really vulnerable with you as I dive into my personal journey and my relationships with discomfort and failure. From navigating the stigma of becoming a young mother to the pivotal moments that shaped my entrepreneurial path, I showcase the importance of embracing discomfort and leveraging it as a catalyst for change. This is going to be a candid discussion on resilience, empowerment, and the invaluable lessons hidden within life’s toughest moments.
I’ll be sharing:
- How I embraced the shame I felt as a young mother and how that ultimately led to me taking inspired action and leading my life differently than everyone else I knew.
- Why setbacks aren’t the end of the world, and embracing the process will lead to opportunities for growth.
- My thoughts on shifting the narrative from victimhood to empowerment and seeing challenges as lessons and invitations for change.
- The viewpoint of how discomfort can be utilized as a springboard for innovation.
- The unsettling truth is that you might achieve everything you’ve ever wanted and still not feel happy at the end of it (and how to reframe that).
The power of discomfort lies in being a catalyst for growth and empowerment. In this episode, we are going to talk about embracing challenges, shifting perspectives, and taking bold actions in pursuit of our goals.
Tune in for my most unfiltered episode yet, and the revelation that opened my eyes to everything.
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READ THE EPISODE TRANSCRIPT
Hello, you guys. Welcome back to the podcast. Alright. This episode was inspired this morning as I was driving in my car back from taking my kids to school, and I felt… Sometimes that happens to me and I’m like I need to talk about it now. I need to record it today because it’s really fresh and it’s just one of those that I’m like I’ve learned to follow the nudge to record these even if I’m like it’s a little. It’s a little vulnerable and… It may or may not do well; it always does well, so I always, you know, ignore that voice and still record it. So, I want to talk about how “failure” like when something doesn’t go how you… Expected it or wanted or hoped or were shooting for or counting on in your business, in your life, in your marketing. And this comes up a lot with marketing because when we don’t hit that launch number or we don’t hit our sales goal or we don’t sell the offer that we just created. Or we lost money one month, right? When that happens, and also when we feel this discomfort, how we can actually leverage it and I want to explain why this came to me.
So…When I went to Costa Rica a few weeks ago, it was focused on healing trauma. I believe everybody has trauma; everybody in their life, going going back to when you can’t even remember, like a baby, and a lot of our trauma dictates our subconscious programming, our actions, our thoughts, our beliefs, like things that we don’t even realize we’re doing. So for me, because this was specifically like the sessions, the different things I did was focused on healing trauma, lots of different things came up, and one of the things that. I have focused on in my healing over the last several years was the shame that I felt in becoming a mom at 20, and I obviously created a lot of success out of that situation.
And wouldn’t be where I am today if that didn’t happen, but because of the messages that I received from family, from friends, from people that, you know, I was twenty years old, like people that were in my life for all that I could remember who I respected, who I loved, who I wanted their approval, and the response that I got was unfortunately really, really negative; like nobody wanted me to have this baby, and from there. I can, I have continued to have shame around it because I have felt like I’m going to get a response, which I actually do, like even though I’ve created success, like if I meet somebody new and I, you know, I look young-ish, and so. When they put it together that I have three kids and I’m, you know, 29 or I’m young, I mean I do get comments and people aren’t trying to be mean or anything. It’s just not quote the norm, and so when I say I had a baby at 20 before someone knows me. And understands the success I created, which really shouldn’t matter, like it really shouldn’t matter. But I do feel like I have to quickly explain that like I had a baby at 20, but look at me, I still made it, like all those judgments that are going in your head right now because I just said that are not true.
Because I made it in my business. So anyways, I share this because I don’t know. I just want to share that, and it’s related to this, but it’s not directly related. But so I did a lot of processing around how I still feel today about the fact that I had a baby at 20, and I’m not going to go into the details of that, like obviously I love being a mom, but because of how it all happened I put myself into like survival mode and kind of just let things happen to me and obviously took control with my business, but then it became um, my motivation became proving people wrong. Versus actually believing in myself. So as I was driving today, I had the craziest revelation. I have always understood logically that having my son at 20 is what then led to my business, right? Because having him kind of introduced for me the online world and the ability to stay home with him and work and start my business, and so I have recognized logically that I would not be where I am today. Without him. However, I think in the back of my mind I’ve also always known like well I’ve always been an entrepreneur; I mean I was an entrepreneur at like 13 years old. So I probably would have created a business and I didn’t necessarily credit the situation as much as I realized today as I was driving today. It hit me that the entire like I would not have started my business or even considered this route of the digital world which at the time was very new and still is to a lot of people if I didn’t have my son not because of the fact that I had a kid and I wanted to work from home, but because it put me into a place of discomfort. It put me into a place that forced me to think differently and I started thinking, “Wow, if I didn’t get pregnant. And I didn’t have him, then I would have been still so comfortable in my life living in San Diego with my husband working as a nanny making $25 an hour living a block from the beach going to school like I was comfortable. So nothing forced me to think differently until I got pregnant and then it was like well you can’t keep doing this like you can’t be a nanny, you can, but that’s not what you want like you’re going to have to think differently and you need to make money.
Like we were living in a tiny 400 square foot like master bedroom turned into a studio and we had no money like we did not have any money and so I had no choice but to make money and I knew that I was a nanny at the time. Getting paid like 22 or $24 an hour and I knew that I couldn’t have a baby and then go right back to work. But as a nanny I didn’t want to do that and so it put me in a situation where I was forced to think differently. And I don’t know why I’ve never looked at it this way like I think it was like oh you know my son pushed me into this. But no, the reason why having my son at 20 pushed me down the path that I’m on today is because I went through a season of extreme discomfort, pain, fear, and reconciling with my life didn’t go quote how I thought it was going to go but what a beautiful reminder that in the moment or in a season we may think everything is not going how we thought it was going to, how we in our minds and with our limited view of the past and no view of the future. We are like thinking this is terrible so in my mind at the time I felt like a failure.
I was gonna keep trying to do college because that’s what everybody said I should do and I didn’t want to let my parents down but I also needed to make money. I was scared at the time I was already living on my own, like my parents have never given me a dollar, I left home early like that’s just who I was and. So I, I mean I was an adult already by then, well an adult like, meals, house. All the things, paying for my college and so I had the responsibility of now I have to make money for food for me and my husband. And you know, he was working but we, like living in San Diego, we needed 2 incomes and now I have a child that I’m going to be responsible for and everybody around me is telling me you were screwed and I was, you know, so isolated I felt so alone and so much fear. But that was such a gift. Because I never would have made the decisions that I made and thought differently like that forced me to go. Okay, well if I can’t stay a nanny making $22 an hour with my limited mindset of like maybe I can get a raise to $26 an hour right? Because that’s what I would have thought. If I stayed in the exact same situation and I didn’t get pregnant and it’s like okay now how do I make money like how do I think differently now I have a baby I want to stay home but I also need to make money which led me to online.
It’s such a beautiful reminder as I was saying that in the seasons where we think that things are not going how they should, how we want them to, what we think the plan is, you don’t know what’s next, you don’t know where that’s leading which brings me to the point of today’s episode. Wwhen you are in a situation where something isn’t working how you wanted it to where your launch failed where you didn’t make sales you lost money? One month in your business clients left whatever happened understanding that if you can just pause and you can surrender to the process that you’re in those situations will make you think differently that you would not have thought otherwise being uncomfortable and experiencing a season of pain, fear, anger even frustration. All of those things can have a gift because they create the contrast for you to go I don’t want to be in this situation. I don’t want to feel this way or I have no choice but to think differently and make different decisions which then who knows where that’s going to lead me so for me what I realized was it’s not that having my son at 20 led me to this life. It’s that having my son at 20 put me into a different life situation where I was no longer comfortable I was terrified I was alone and I had no choice but to think differently and I never would have thought the way that I had had the ideas executed the things that I did if I wasn’t in that situation and so now as I heal and reconcile this I can see like maybe this was my path all along like maybe from the moment I came into this life.
This is the path that I was meant to go on and maybe I even orchestrated it before I came into this life and what a gift and and it’s such a. It’s such a feeling of extreme and full empowerment. When you get to shift the narrative from things that are happening to you to they’re happening for you because you can’t even see the thing. That’s next that’s going to be so much better and this is not like rah rah like mindset stuff. This is. This is real like this is an invitation for you if you you know I know that there’s a lot of entrepreneurs here right now to understand if you are in a season where you’re not making the money that you want, you’re not making the sales that you want. You didn’t hit your goals last year, you had a team member leave. You had a big client leave, I mean even when covid shut businesses down. There are so many stories that then led to something so much greater that couldn’t have happened. If that experience that we in the moment deemed as so terrible hadn’t happened so then you can start to see all these moments as a gift and as a lesson and as an invitation and a nudge to think differently because thinking differently creates different actions and if what I realized was like if I wasn’t put in the situation where I needed to work from home I never would have gone down this path like who even knows what I would have been doing.
Because at the time I didn’t even have the knowledge that this was possible I didn’t know that you could have a whole business online and that all these people like Amy Porterfield existed like I found that. But after I was put in a situation to think differently. Because I was uncomfortable so there is a lot of beauty in discomfort and I and I do think in today’s world we don’t allow ourselves to get uncomfortable enough and we try to chase this version of life in business where it’s always perfect and everything is working out perfectly and we’re making like we set a goal. We hit the goal clients don’t believe everything’s perfect, that’s not like life is meant for you to experience all different spectrums. Disappointment, excitement, frustration, fear, happiness and abundance. All of it and within that it becomes a place where you can then use the situation you’re in to use the discomfort to use the frustration.
And make different decisions. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been in a situation in business where I am you know something doesn’t go well. I’m frustrated whether it’s a team thing, whether it’s money, cash flow whatever, getting in those moments. Makes me make a different decision for next time and so therefore they are necessary for me to get to the next level and if you embrace them and then the key is you have to embrace them and then you have to take different action because if you just sit in a season where you’re like everything sucks and. I am so uncomfortable and I’m so scared and I’m just going to sit here and let it happen to me. That’s not what I’m talking about. iIt is what is the lesson in this. What is the shift? What is the change? What am I not seeing? What is the gift in this that is going to make me think differently, act differently, show up differently. Make different decisions for the next version. So then when we have something happen that didn’t go how we wanted. We don’t tie that to like well maybe I’m just not meant to be an entrepreneur. Maybe I just suck at this. Maybe I’m not capable of this like that is not helpful. No.
This is part of the game and where’s the gift in this. Where’s the lesson in this? What do I need to change? What do I need to do differently and thank you for putting me in this situation so that I can now think differently because if I was comfortable all the time I would never think differently like back then if I look at myself at 20 years old. My view would have literally been like okay make more money. Ask for a raise like that’s how I would have thought about it but because it was like make money and be able to work from home I had to get way more creative so I don’t know if this is helpful. I think it is for you guys. But I really felt inspired this morning just about this thought and the extreme empowerment that comes from allowing the moments that could. Lead to you losing confidence or feeling defeated or feeling like something is wrong with you or your business and understanding that is the game like that is normal and necessary not just normal necessary for us to grow and experience. And shift and up level and when we can look at those things through that lens then we can make new decisions then we can think creatively sometimes that takes a little time too like that’s another thing with this is there are times where I know. That the reason something’s falling apart is because it needs to but I don’t have the answer of what it means for like a week or two weeks and then all of a sudden. It’s like oh why didn’t I think of that before I’ll just do this right?
So sometimes it’s also a matter of giving yourself the time and base to honor the season that you’re in while also the last thing I’ll say this is something I’m learning is the concept of everything starts with how we feel so it goes feelings beliefs thoughts actions. And if you look ahead and you’re like well when I make a million dollars then I’ll be happy or then I’ll be able to not be stressed. How can you imagine how you’ll feel in that future goal when Xyz comes true, when I hit this goal, when I make this money, when I do this. How will you feel when that happens and how can you bring that feeling into your life today because your feelings dictate your beliefs which dictate your thoughts your thoughts dictate your actions and so if you’re in a season where you are feeling fear. And you are feeling frustration think about where you want to go and how you will feel once you get there and bring that feeling into your life today because you get to choose how you feel we have a choice and. Oftentimes our beliefs and our thoughts are dictating how we are feeling but we can change that that’s something I’m actively working on so much feelings beliefs thoughts action may or may not be worked into my tattoo that I got in Costa Rica. Alright you guys, I hope you enjoyed today’s episode. Thank you so much for tuning in and I will talk to you next week.